At 37, I lost my 11 year old daughter and my marriage fell apart. The "thoughts and prayers" verbiage became part of our cultural lexicon because people wanted a way to request help and/or care from a mixed audience of religious and non-religious listeners. When someone is grieving, the world continues to spin, and they are often responsible for an overwhelming amount of things. Religion & Spirituality WE NEED AN ATHEIST EQUIVALENT TO THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS - After the Parkland shooting, conservative hypocrisy rendered the phrase "our thoughts and prayers are with you." to be meaningless but they're still going to use it for every terrible thing that happens regardless. Immediately all over social media, people were sending their thoughts and prayers about the CHURCH shooting. A nice bottle of wine or whiskey if thats more their thing is a really nice gift for someone who is grieving. The need of touches we had never known. I just read your comment and wanted you to know how sorry I am to read about the loss of your daughter. What You Can Say Instead of Sending 'Thoughts and Prayers' When sending condolences to someone who is grieving, you'll want to make sure your message is appropriate, sensitive, kind, and caring. Not all prayer is the same. Alternatives to "I'll keep them in my thoughts and my prayers" I noticed that the default response to when someone or they are in the hospital dying they say "Hope everything turns out okay. Gina, I truly understand your unimaginable pain. But, I came to the conclusion that I needed to ponder a different way to express my condolences. Thank you for so many alternate things to say especially under certain circumstances, and depending on relationships; friends, relatives, co workers, etc. Awaken Interviews Anthony (Tony) Robbins Pt 2 - We Are Spiritual Beings! I would rather someone perform an act of kindness without the expectation of even being acknowledged for the action, if possible. me and a coworker. When I am gone, release me, let me go. This is a very personal one. 4. I lost both of my parents on Christmas time, it was the hardest time of my life. He worked so hard but loved his work, now he is at rest no regrets, married 57 years. Good question. The greatest of all losses. This is a pain that I must go thru. Thank you, Thank you for so many lovely alternatives. Im sorry that happened to you. My 24 year old daughter found out she had brain cancer while she was pregnant with her first child. What you say or write to someone whilst they are grieving can be powerful and important. Taken stanza-by-stanza, there are also portions that are completely secular. So try not to feel bad or awkward about using it if you want to. Can be looked at whenever and however many times needed. It is important to validate the grief and sadness that your friend or loved one is experiencing right now. You should appreciate that anyone would reach out to you in a time of terrible sadness or life changing event. invocation. I am here anytime you need to talk. They always told me so much about you. My child was more than a Facebook post. Saying something like, theyre in a better place now or everything happens for a reason can feel very hurtful to someone who is grieving. April 6, 2021. ! He meant it, BUT DEAR GOD, DONT EVER SAY THAT to a brand new widow- it is 100% about them and not the grieving spouse. One of the purposes of the book of Ecclesiastes is to proclaim this too is meaningless, used in such a way as to mean, It is impossible to figure this out. We are told the secret things belong to God. I especially liked the fact they took in consideration, the specific relationships between, say me and the person who had passed, I.e. The loss of a parent is so tragic. When it happens, I acknowledge they're wishing me wellor maybe they're trying to justify their own delusions and validate their mythology by converting me. These are expressions I find most helpful. And it has a similar message. As far as social media. When people distance themselves, it might be for their own emotional preservation. Privacy Policy | Cookie Policy | Affiliate Disclosure, What to Say Instead of Youre in My Thoughts and Prayers, say or write to someone whilst they are grieving. We are Gods children we are like 3 year olds to God trying to understand things that are beyond what our small minds can comprehend. 4 Things you Can Do in Place of "Thoughts and Prayers" 1. It stays in your heart and soul. . God made us to be a people who are interconnected on so many levels. That was comforting to me when my 25 year old daughter passed. And see a stronger person through your reflection I hope you too find those days to smile. May s/he have ease of well being (and accept all the conditions of the world) Our church offers the program Griefshare which is a Christian based support program. I too lost my daughter. Hopefully these sayings will help you with what to say instead of youre in my thoughts and prayers. It meant a lot to her. If you are close to the person who is grieving, offer a hug or hold their hand while they cry. Life is filled with many thanks, Sending positive vibes sending well wishes- sending love & light. Im so so sorry that those around you are treating you so horribly and being so inconsiderate. A non-denominational or non-religious prayer might be a good choice if the person youre speaking or writing to isnt religious. So what POSSIBLE reason could there be when a husbands car wont start when he is leaving early for work while his family is still asleep, so he uses his wifes car to jump his but accidentally leaves her car running in their attached garage when he goes to work, only to come home at the end of the to find his whole family dead? Actually, that is the perfect thing to say to someone suffering such an unimaginable loss. One of the few joys in grief is being able to reminisce about someone who has passed. I needed emotional support during these timessomeone too meet for coffee or bring me a meal. So many of these what to use instead of..s dont include anything about prayers. litany. of the patients' have non-specific complaints (12/30). people mean only kindness but feel like they need to say something to fill the awkwardness but please know they are hurting beyond words. I understand some of these, however Ive lost both parents two brothers. At least prayer is an ACTION! I encourage you to find a support group if you can. And the sun has set for me Thoughts and prayers didn't exactly help there, did it?? I am a newborn nursery nurse for 29 years, experienced several stillbirths. But be thankful we had so many good years. Facebook. During the loss of my sisters husband I found a bracelet for her and a key chain for her daughter with nice sentiments. The backlash against "thoughts and prayers" has been met with its own backlash. While our. Writing for The Atlantic, Emma Green argues that the criticism of "thoughts and prayers" unfairly associates religious responses to mass shootings with conservative politics. Help them stay nourished by organizing a meal train. Not every system of belief is about prayers or Jesus. An appropriate secular substitute for prayers is thoughts. 3 Reasons 'Thoughts and Prayers' Is Criticized Offering "thoughts and prayers" as condolences is often criticized for various reasons: 1. Ill have your back, well talk when youre ready. Now I have lost you, I must scatter Your help and caring calmed me down, If none of the prayers and poems listed above strike your fancy, you can create your own. Updated on August 10, 2018 Many religious theists, especially Christians, will ask for people's prayers and express hopes for a miracle when they experience significant problems in their lives (such as illness and injury, for example). I wish more people followed this instead of the usual insincere comments. Or you might be non-religious yourself, but still want to express your gratitude, condolences, or get-well-soon wishes with a prayer. May they never be disassociated from the supreme happiness which is without suffering. I lost my precious, only daughter followed by my mother and then brother in less than 1 1/2 year span. Support the grieving family by paying for a night out at a restaurant. Share it! Heres a list of several things you can say instead. Grief is complicated, and no two people grieve in the same way. After the passing of our son there were so very many friends of his that we barely knew but when they shared moments of their times with him from camping to playing music or volunteering to help someone it did lighten my spirit. Or you might be non-religious yourself, but still want to express your gratitude, condolences, orget-well-soon wisheswith a prayer. I do love it when people write down a memory of her and send it in a card. I have always been at a loss for the perfect thing to say to give comfort and express how heartbroken I feel for their loss. I also appreciate where Gina is coming from. I just lost my grandmother, who was more of a mother and this has just devastated me. Oh my goodness, Im so very sorry if this was a tragedy hit close to home for you. not having a religious character : secular. I guess that it is hard to understand anothers pain of loss until you have experienced a similar loss. Their entire world changed when they lost someone they loved, and it can bring peace and comfort to know that others share in their sadness and grief. We live in a broken world with broken people, prone to error and prone in some cases to great evil. ), Awaken Interviews Megan Larson Pt 2 Maybe Its Nature Deficit Disorder, Mystical Prayer: Opening a Door to Silence and Love, Buddhist Notion Of Emptiness Donna Quesada, Let Go of Your Fears Trusting the power within Louise L. Hay. Chat or rant, adult content, spam, insulting other members. Just as your beautiful gift of the heart, it will be the gesture from the heart that is held close. Whether thats in a sympathy card, at a funeral or what to say to a loved one after a loss, we aim to provide you with everything you need to make something many of us find so difficult much simpler. Its rude and impersonal. All the best Nellisa. For information about opting out, click here. "Sending good thoughts for you.". Show them you care by being a shoulder to cry on and any other support they need. I agree with you.. Prayers can envelop you. But to the untrustworthy one as I am, seems as it wasnt an accident. Many families specify a charity. How many of those folks actually stop what they're doing and pray?? The one memory, that stands out; is the older gentleman from their Church quietly polishing the shoes of each member of the family. Some say it is unhealthy but were all different. A non-denominational or non-religious prayer might be a good choice if the person you're speaking or writing to isn't religious. The MPL entailed 13 choice pairs where participants chose between two alternatives: an intercessory gesture and a monetary gain, or no gesture and a . And I think that might be more true than I first realized. So if youre looking for an alternative to youre in my thoughts and prayers then keep reading as the examples below should help you to offer your condolences with more heartfelt words. Freemasonry, Religion and the Occult. There should be no confusion when someone is simply reaching out to you in your time of grief. After someone dies, actions can speak much louder than words. Offer to do the dishes, clean the bathrooms, make the beds, water the plants, or anything else that needs to be done around the house. What a terrible tragedy. When i hear love songs I cry my heart out. You might pray to your own higher power, or to the universe as a whole. This link will open in a new window. This is something that Christians and non-Christians . After losing my husband and partner of over 40 years it was family and friends who picked me up and got me through the grief. Reply to Dan. Nothing compares to checking on someone. We can pray for them. This must be so hard to bear. It feels dismissive of the loss the parent feels. No, there was no good reason. You might want to send a thank-you prayer to let a loved one know how much you appreciate them. Gratitude prayers are also a great way to remind yourself of all the things youre thankful for in life. Mother Mary help this lady heal and go on. Any information you provide to Cake, and all communications between you and Cake, May they rest in peace, Sending loving hope and thoughts to you and your family, I hope youre coping ok after such an awful loss, May your treasured memories be forever held in your heart, My sincerest condolence for a tragic loss, Wishing you find peace and solace to help you get through, What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. Flowers and plants brighten up spaces and smell great. I know many broken people who only want to die to be with their loved ones again. May s/he be healthy and strong. He too knows the pain of heart when losing a child.. And even those that arent can easily be made non-religious by switching a few words around. My Daddy died two years ago and it was devastating to me / all of our family but especially for my Mom. Let them know that you are here whenever and for whatever they need. Love does not die. This poem comes from the same anthology asTitan Frame(a book called Beating Hearts and Butterflies). Your Reports Help Protect the Agnostic CommunityReport Content, I think this violates the community guidelines. Sometimes that means using common phrases but when I can Ive tried to say something different and more personal. You could just say "my thoughts are with you"? Only how sorry you are. Thank you. Make it easier. I had never lost a loved one before and joked that the only spirit I knew in heaven was my dog. (This also makes sure they dont drown their sorrows and drink the whole bottle.). If shes looking down at her kids, shes probably angry she got a raw deal on health, that shes not here raising her boys. Mark your calendar 3 months. As the parent of a child who died simply being there and saying Im sorry goes a long way. Call, or send a noteall you have to say is that their child was special and that you miss him/her too and wanted to let her know. And I especially did not want to hear how my loved ones were in a better place or that God loved them so much that he brought them home! These kind of platitudes made me insane. Give a gift certificate to their favorite restaurant, The days and weeks following the passing of a loved one are often chaotic. When someone I know lost her mom I knew the hurt she was going though, I told her things from my heart. Im not really sure what the right thing to say is but please know how much I care. No one will be cheering you on as you fight this as much as I will. We each grieve in our own way. The author(s) , in my opinion, did an outstanding job of that. Physical touch can be very healing and lets them know youre right there with them. I know Ive found it harder to find the right words when family are grieving the loss of a loved one. Losing a loved one is one of the most difficult experiences in life. Let them know that they can call you day or night to chat. His parents had been away from home for months while their children stayed home with grandparents. I agree. I tell them that I am glad they knew love and hope they find peace. Thoughts and prayers as useful as a chocolate teapot. It can be a sad and lonely day. Because I have loved life, When sending condolences to someone who is grieving, youll want to make sure your message is appropriate, sensitive, kind, and caring. I am a Christian and would not feel disrespected because you sent me your condolences without mentioning my heavenly father. Then, the class begins again to go over the workbook with new people. If it were possible, there were a hundred people who wouldve gladly taken her place. When I lost both of my parents I appreciated those who reached out with their warmth and kindness. Grief is a lonely time especially in the days, months, years following so, to me, that was when I especially appreciated the support and kind words, whatever they happened to be. I since have purchased a couple of other items that I will give to two mothers, one who lost her husband. I will ALWAYS be the lady whose daughter died of brain cancer Theres nothing anyone CAN do to change anything. You might not know who (or what) youre praying to, exactly, and thats OK too. I am sorry for your loss". There are many who will see what I am calling "prayer" as a ridiculous heresy. It's a lovely sentiment that may well be true. There is no person on earth who can help someone get through such a tragedy like God can. I know how much youre hurting and I want to be there to help unless one has lost a child they can never know how much the parent is hurting. I am the sunlight on ripened grain. That doesnt necessarily mean I wasnt being sincere. I do not use past tense. Not all prayer is the same. I felt as though my heart and soul were being ripped out of my body. Sending my condolences to Gina Castle, and many others that have lost someone dear to them. It shows respect to athests and people with another religion.
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